Wow, I can't believe the summers over and I'm headed back to Spain tomorrow! My time at home has been absolutely perfect. It included weddings, cabin weekends, a twins game, Wicked, Basilica Block Party, a trip to CSB-SJU, a trip to Chicago, the state fair, family time and countless nights in Uptown with friends. I've enjoyed indulging in my favorite American goodies such as brownies, apple crisp, chocolate chip cookies, banana bread, mac n' cheese, pizza (Spanish pizza is not the same), Mexican, Indian, kale chips, pancakes, and all the other stuff I can't get in Spain. This past week I've gotten to share some special moments with friends and family, which makes leaving even harder. But the bottom line is that while I'm in the US, I still kinda feel like a kid. I live with my parents (which I don't mind because the cooking is great), work my old summer job, and borrow the family cars to get around. In Spain I have my own apartment, find my own ways to get around, and live an adult life. I'm ready to go back to Spain and feel like I'm putting my college degree to use!
You'd think that after packing for multiple long-term trips before, that it would be a breeze for me. I'll admit, I've gotten better at it, especially after figuring out that rolling your clothes rather than folding them not only saves room but prevents wrinkles as well. Also, I've gotten better about not packing so heavy. It's always good to have space so that when you come back you'll have room for souvenirs, etc. However, all of this improvement still can't help the constant overwhelming feeling like I've forgotten something. All the checklists and double/triple checking in the world won't get this weight off my shoulders. It makes me so nervous that I can't fall asleep at 1am the night before my flight (now). But nervousness hasn't been the only emotion I've been feeling this week. I find the entire week leading up to my departures from anywhere are just a hodgepodge of emotions: excitement, anxiousness, sadness, uneasiness, worry and happiness. Another strange thing that I feel about a week before I leave is guilt. Let me explain. Guilt comes in because I want to spend as much time as I can with EVERYONE, which obviously isn't possible. I feel guilty for spending too much or too little time with family, friends, etc. Or I feel guilty that I'm not spending my last few days the right way or being productive enough. I'm hoping that my 7.5 hour plan ride will give me some time to chill out and relax a bit before I arrive in Madrid!
I've had to say so many goodbyes this past week. Did I mention I HATE goodbyes? I feel like it just amplifies the sadness I already feel. If I didn't have to say goodbye so much, then all the sadness/separation emotions wouldn't surface so much. I wish it was socially acceptable to skip goodbyes. But they are inevitable, so I find the best way to say goodbye is to be as casual and quick as possible. Drawing them out definitely won't help my situation. And I always remind myself that it's not forever, and the time will pass quickly and I'll be back before I even know it! But I must say that the best part about goodbyes is that it means something NEW is coming! New friends, new places, new school, new city new roommates new EVERYTHING. I'm sure it will only take a few hours in Madrid to remember why I keep leaving my beloved family and friends from my favorite place anywhere (MN <3 ). I'm an adrenaline junky, and in more ways than one. I thrive off of the excitement and uncertainty of new life experiences, and this is my next one! So goodbye family and friends, I'm sad to say goodbye even if I don't show it. Hola Madrid! Can't wait to see what it has in store for me :)